With this week's Life during quarantine playlist Nick Triani reflects on stunted growth and his adolescent crush on Diana Rigg.
Remind me when it was that I grew up
I have been with my partner close to 20 years. A long time, but the reality is a feeling of fleet footed wonder; the time has flown by and we have a strong relationship. I’m very lucky in this regard. I was married twice before and those marriages for a myriad of reasons (mostly my own) didn’t work out. I had an impetuous nature and an inquisitive streak that didn’t necessarily align itself with commitment and marriage. I have grown to love loyalty and commitment, as I have the concept of family.
And frankly, I used to be a bit of an outspoken, arrogant a-hole in my youth. I’m sure people think I still am. I was late to the maturity game. Having some sense of who you are and what you want helps of course, but I was pretty rudderless till my late 30s. A strong, grounded relationship has helped me to find a purpose, but also learn new perspectives. I’ve been willing to listen. It may be the case that I always thought I was a right-on politically correct person, but my views were always filtered through a patriarchal lens. In actuality, it’s taken me years to appreciate ideas and a thought process outside of those patriarchal tropes. I’m still learning.
Diana Rigg passed this week. A younger generation know her for her role in Game of Thrones. For me and a lot of Brits my age, Rigg represented our first celluloid crush. An ultra cool, fetishtic representation of female guile in a leather catsuit. Rigg’s Emma Peel character from The Avengers really did the trick for a ‘boy’s own’ sexual fantasy and those pre-pubescent yearning loins. That era of innocent sexual awakenings no longer feel like something to talk about in 2020s harsh lights. And that is how it should be. Diana Rigg singing Stephen Sondheim on this week’s playlist is a thing of pertinent beauty. From now on I’ll remember her this way.
Nick Triani is an editor and contributor to One Quart Magazine.